Topic 1 Five Wrong Parental Reactions


Brainstorming: „My memories”

  1. Recall when you knew you were going to become a parent, what did you imagine being a parent would be like?
  2. What emotions were you experiencing?

Ask the questions again, but referring now to the present:

  1. Now, what do you think it is like to be a parent? What does it mean to be a parent? What is expected of you as a parent?
  2. What feelings are you experiencing now?

Was there any difference then and now in terms of your understanding ?

Summary: Surely your perceptions of yourselves as parents were different from what actually happened to you. Watching other parents from the side, you have repeatedly said to yourself : “This will not happen to me”, you have criticised implicitly or explicitly.  And here come the moments when you are confronted with a variety of problems, cases and situations in which you have to react appropriately, educationally, correct your children’s behaviour , build trust with each other, communicate effectively.

Case study “I heard you are smoking”: A close friend of yours works at the school where your 14 year old daughter attends and tells you that she saw her in the schoolyard smoking with her friends. As you consider how to react, entering your home, you see how everything is messy, your daughter is listening to loud music and has not written her homework for the next day. How will you react?

“How can you be so stupid?” words often hurt and children identify with them. Anger may and should not lead to aggressive behaviour. Anger is one of the basic human emotions, we all get angry, the difference is how we behave when we are angry.

“I failed as a parent” – even if you are very emotional by nature, you don’t have to panic over every teenage problem. Assess the situation soberly and set a good example for your child on how to perceive negative events in the future.

“You will become just like…” – there are many reasons which could encourage our children to use tobacco products. By “devaluing” their experiences, commenting on them with ridicule, we risk never teaching them to face their problems bravely and solve them.

“You will greatly regret what you did someday” – we need to focus on the idea of righting wrongs, learning how it’s done. We need to show kids that even the big mistakes everyone makes are fixable.

“I don’t care that you smoke, it’s on you, you’ll get sick one day” – a parental reaction which neglects the child’s problem. If you neglect this problem, children may remain misunderstood, lonely and lose trust in you.

In life with children, very often we feel exhausted, frustrated or scared. Children learn from us how to behave even when we are angry. In a conflict situation, it is not reason that dominates, but emotions. So we need to look for a way to control emotions. To resolve conflict is to preserve, not destroy, relationships. Conflict is not a victory but an agreement.